Released back in February 2024, Jula Aniol’s book on personal development: From Co-Dependent to Independent: A Psychotherapist’s Diary, offers readers a professional view on struggles of self-worth, coping with trauma and overcoming abusive relationships.

 

We spoke with Jula back in May, during Mental Health Awareness Week, in an Author Spotlight on the Olympia Blog. For an expansion on Jula’s work in her book, please go ahead and read her Spotlight if you haven’t already by clicking here.

 

Tomorrow (October 10th) is known globally as World Mental Health Day, something which we at Olympia think is important to recognise. We would like to take today as an opportunity to share a portion of Jula’s book with you - specifically a section on forgiveness, and how to navigate the difficult process that forgiving someone can be.

 

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Forgiveness is not easy, but those who decide to do so, who will shed anger, who will forgive, will go on and not allow themselves to become a victim again.

 

Forgiveness is a process, sometimes a lengthy one, and we can distinguish four stages of it:

 

The Uncovering stage: during the first phase of forgiveness, we will improve our understanding of the injustice, and how it has impacted our life so here we basically can tune in into our emotions and write for example a “resentment list” (so situations, behaviors, words, gestures, everything we feel angry/resentful of);

 

The Decision stage: during the second phase, we will gain a deeper understanding of what forgiveness is, and make the conscious decision to choose or reject forgiveness as an option. Here we can explore how we understand forgiveness, what pros and cons we can see for forgiving/not forgiving and what could change for us/in our life if we choose to forgive;

 

The Work stage: during the third phase, we will start to understand the offender in a new way, which will allow us to widen our feelings toward the offender and ourselves. Here we can think about the offender’s background, for example, so “in what kind of environment this person grew up?”, “What contributing factors we can see for why this person behaves in this way and not the other?” (we are trying to activate empathy toward the offender here but remember – we are not condoning!);

 

The Deepening stage: During the final phase of forgiveness, we will further decrease the negative emotions associated with the injustice. We may find meaning in the experiences, and recognize ways in which we have grown as a result (here, we are thinking about what kind of changes we can see within us as a result of the experience so, for example, for me the biggest meaning of my experiences is the fact that I can use them in supporting others, they shaped me to whom I am today and what line of work I am doing – my empathy and compassion levels are greater, my mental and physical health are looked after etc.).

 

When I finished my letter, I remember feeling internally that the “little me” and the “teenage me” felt satisfied, that they were no longer sad and angry, they stopped crying and hurting. I felt as if all my “I” merged together and my inner self was filled with peace and contentment.

 

I burned this letter in the fireplace in my new home. I watched the words turn to ash and fly up the fireplace.

 

I said my goodbye and healed old wounds once more.

 

 

From Co-Dependent to Independent: A Psychotherapist's Diary is available now in paperback and on the Kindle Store.