I am a seventy-one year old man, and I have had a very interesting life, which I am now happy to share with you. I was born during World War Two, and my parents split up when I was seven years old, my mother having left home to be with her boyfriend.
I came from the back streets of South London, and I was a computer programmer by profession, until I committed homicide at the age of thirty-two.
I have spent the last thirty-nine years in mental hospitals, although I maintain that I am perfectly sane and always have been.
I have written many songs, which I hope will become popular one day, as they contain a distillation of wisdom I have acquired over the years.
Here is an extract from a song of mine called, 'The Can Carrier'.
'I carried the can for you.
I proved I'm the man for you.
I did what you made me do,
And I carried the can.'